"Why Cant We Talk about Miscarrages?"

Thankful for this little boy, he is helping me change the world. IMUA!

Not long ago, my boyfriend had an in-depth conversation with a close friend. His friend trusted us with his story of miscarriage — how it shook him, how he still carries it silently. What struck me wasn’t just his vulnerability, but his honesty about something so many people feel: most men, and even many women, don’t want to talk about miscarriage.

That question stayed with us. Why is that? Why can’t we talk openly about miscarriage?

The Silence Surrounding Miscarriage

Miscarriage is far more common than most realize. Around 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, yet it often feels like a hidden grief. There are so many reasons people stay silent:

• Grief feels invisible. There’s no funeral, no public ritual. Life moves forward, while parents are still holding on to loss.

• Cultural expectations. Pregnancy is often tied to joy and anticipation — so when it doesn’t follow that path, people feel uncomfortable, as though grief doesn’t belong in the conversation.

• Shame and blame. Many women wonder, Did I do something wrong? Even when it’s not true, the guilt is heavy. For men, the expectation to “stay strong” can push grief underground.

• No language for it. Friends and family don’t always know what to say. Words like “You can try again” or “It wasn’t meant to be” can hurt more than they help.

Our Story

We’ve lived through two miscarriages. And while every experience is deeply personal, one of the hardest parts was the silence around it. Not just the silence of our home after expecting new life, but the silence of the world around us.

Even my boyfriend asked me: Why can’t we talk about this? Why is it treated like something shameful?

It’s a question that doesn’t have one answer — but maybe opening the conversation itself is part of the solution.

The Many Dimensions of Miscarriage

Miscarriage is never “just” a medical event. It affects every part of life:

• Physically: A woman’s body goes through hormonal shifts, bleeding, and recovery. It can feel like childbirth without a baby to hold.

• Emotionally: Grief, sadness, anger, and numbness are all normal — but often hidden.

• Spiritually: Some find comfort in faith; others wrestle with “why me?” or “why us?”

• Relationally: Couples grieve differently, which can cause friction or, sometimes, deepen connection. Friends may not know how to support, leading to isolation.

• Societally: Many workplaces and communities lack space or support for miscarriage. Families are often expected to “move on” quickly.

Why We Need to Speak Up

When we don’t talk about miscarriage, parents grieve in silence. Sharing doesn’t just help healing — it gives permission for others to share, too. It says: This is real. You are not alone. Your love mattered. Your grief matters.

Breaking the silence isn’t about dwelling on pain — it’s about creating space where pain can be honored and love can be remembered.

A Gentle Call to Conversation

If you’ve gone through miscarriage, your experience is valid. You don’t have to shrink your grief to make others comfortable. If someone trusts you enough to share their story, listen with compassion, not quick fixes.

The real question isn’t just “Why don’t we talk about miscarriage?”The question we can begin asking is: “How can we start?”

Love,

Danielle