Good morning mamas and friends,
Happy Aloha Friday!
Update: baby girl is the size of an avocado this week and there is now definitely a bump staring back at me in the mirror every morning. We went for a check up yesterday and her heart beat is strong. Yay! Such a relief. Now the countdown begins for our twenty weeks ultra sound where the doctors make sure she has all her fingers, toes, her heart, brain and all the organs are working and growing like they're supposed to.
Do any of you feel like or have felt like you're just always anxiously waiting for the next appointment? I am naturally a worrier and over-thinker so this whole journey has been testing my faith and trust. I guess I didn't realize there was going to be so much out of my control, so much wondering and moments in between that I have no idea what is going on. Is she still in there? Am I doing this right? Am I eating the wrong thing? Is this activity okay to do or will it hurt her? Especially the first time around, I don't know how it's supposed to feel at every stage or what I should be concerned about. It's also hard because I still can't really feel or see the baby move. It would be reassuring if I could. For now, doing my best to surrender to the universe, stay as present as possible and put good vibes and a lot of love towards her.
Officially four months and I have gained 10 pounds! Eek! For someone who has always struggled with the scale, the number and body image this has been challenging to wrap my head around. It's funny because I always preach to other women and girls to love yourself, celebrate all your imperfections, embrace every curve and fold because there is no specific mold we all fit into. Every size and number is beautiful and we need to focus on what amazing things our bodies allow us to do, not compare them. But man, I'll be honest, it's something I have to work at every damn day. If I stick to the 35 pound recommended weight gain by my doctor, I am going to be to reaching 200! Holy moly baby. I am not a small woman to begin with. I have muscular legs, a solid butt, big boobs that are even bigger now, HELP!
I am a true believer that comparison is the thief of joy but I still do it anyway. There has been so many pregnant women popping up on my instagram feed lately that look nothing like me. They are all teeny tiny with a belly. From the front view, it doesn't even look like they are pregnant and then three days after they pop their baby out they look like nothing happened! How? I mean good on them but I definitely don't look like that and know at this point, I won't. And that's okay. I feel like yet again the universe is sending me exactly what I need to unlearn and rewire the way I look at myself and talk to myself. To start loving and appreciating and celebrating this incredible body I'm in and what it's doing.
My goal for the next six months and beyond: be kind and patient with myself. I realize this is a special and beautiful time of my life that I will never get back, why waste it picking myself a part and being down? I have a little mini growing in me that needs a strong, healthy example of a woman in her life. One that shows her how to love and celebrate her body in every form and feel confident in her skin. For now I am going to focus on making healthy, conscious choices when it comes to food and staying active, listening to my body and doing what feels right for the both of us.
Hope this is helpful or relatable for anyone "growing" with me at the moment or has been through it or hopes to in the future. Sending love, light and a big hug for anyone who needs it. You are never alone and you got this!!
Aloha,
Carissa
Pregnancy is a time of major reflection and it’s so good that your addressing the comparison demon head on. The body image of the times is so off base from what females are meant to be- special humans with the ability to not only have a human grow inside of us but to also continue that nourishment with free life sustaining goodness - mommy’s milk!
We are curves. Those with big curves want less and those who are less endowed want more. Enjoy every changing curve of this amazing time!
Hugs and cheers for Curves!!
First of all sis you are gorgeous every step of the way, even when you don’t feel like it. Remind yourself this is all temporary, embrace this experience because in a few short months it will be over and all this worry will be replaced by a beautiful addition to your family.
My third pregnancy I went from 145 lbs to 210 lbs and as a lifelong athlete being that weight was really a mental struggle. But a few weeks after birth I was almost back to my normal weight. Don’t let yourself get caught up on that number there’s a lot that goes into those extra pounds, water weight, placenta, baby etc. Your body changing is a positive, it’s doing everything it can to keep your little one safe, and nourished. Remember you’ve been an elite athlete for many years, you already have a solid foundation that will help you get wherever you want to go physically after you give birth. Just be patient and kind to yourself and enjoy the process. YOU GOT THIS!!!
I can totally relate. I started off my 2nd pregnancy at 130lbs and checked into labor and delivery at 193lbs! Almost 65lbs! It was such a difficult pregnancy emotionally, mentally and physically. I cried multiple times at how I “looked” bc I didn’t have the cute all belly look and stay somewhat thin. I had people commenting asking if I had gestational diabetes which I did not and that was really hard. But you know at the end of the day our bodies are so amazing and know what they’re doing. 6months postpartum over here and back to 133lbs and feel better than ever. Hang in there and know that we are meant for this whether we gain a little weight or more weight than we would like we are growing life! And that’s a beautiful thing 🤍
This is one of my favorite stages of pregnancy! You've got the cutest baby bump. It is such a whirlwind, how our bodies change so drastically, but so amazing that they can do that! I'm so grateful for what our bodies can do!
I also remember worrying about how the baby was doing and if what I was doing was affecting the baby. Trust your instincts and listen to you body! I'm sure you have an army of women and doctors who can offer great advice, but at the end of the day, you know your body best, so trust it and have faith in yourself! Your mama intuition is already kicking in and you'll know what feels right and what doesn't.
It's one thing to know that your body will change during pregnancy, it’s another thing to actually experience it. There are societal pressures to look a certain way – during and after pregnancy. Especially with in the surf industry this experience is amplified. I mean look at how it is on a normal day. I truly have experience the strangest things when coming to this issue. Yes, I was small for my first pregnancy until about 6 months, and then BOOM I WAS HUGE. My butt is always big but it was colosal, I had boobs for the first time, and then looking down and not seeing my feet was a trip. It was like I experience pregnancy in three months which all happened so fast and it was really painful.
Funny thing is, I got pressure for being both in one chapter of metamorphosis. When I was small people were telling me I was unusally small and I should be worried, which of course worried me especially during COVID, and then when I got huge people were telling me I was HUGE! I didn't have the doctor to consult because it was the beginning of COVID and everything was a mess and I couldn't do the normal visits that usually happen. I mean what the F ego and society will mess you up, so try to avoid it at all costs!!! God also gifts mothers with intuition that will guide you fully. It's just when we compare like you mentioned that we get divided from the thruth. You will be surprised at the things people will say in your "butterfly" season. While you and I would more than likely not judge or even dare to say something harmful, others could care less. MY second pregnancy, as I am right now, I am not comfortable with my weight gain, and the worst is how much cellulite I have on my butt and legs. BUT I know my human design is much smarter then I am, then society is, and God knows exactly what he is doing.
What I came to realize is that people always have something to say. While some women embrace the changes that come with pregnancy and giving birth, but for many, the metamorphosis can negatively shift their self-image. However, this is the part of life where we leave the world behind, and it's HARD! Rest assured your body knows EXACTLY what it has to do to make this miracle happen. Your wrapping a soul from heaven in skin to bring to earth, and will be the greatest love you have ever known.
Weight gain during pregnancy is a beautiful thing, whether it's 30 pounds or 70 pounds. As long as you're taking care of yourself and allowing yourself grace and love, there's nothing wrong with it! If you want a cookie, eat a cookie. If you want pasta, have pasta. Just balance it out later with a walk or a swim. This is the toxic "us" we need to confront and let go of. Once you see your beautiful baby, you'll accept your body and love it even more for the gift it gave you. But it's hard to really understand what's happening inside you until you see your own baby. We all know what's happening inside a pregnant woman and what will become of it, but when you see what your body made, it's mind-blowing. Same as experiencing the weight gain! You don't get it until you get it!
I absolutely love this photo of you, Carissa! You look amazing! When I see this picture, I think, "Wow!" Your mind will play tricks on you, so keep in mind that you may think you look bigger than you are. Some days you will feel amazing, and other days you may feel out of control. But when the world looks at you, we are in awe, inspired, and filled with love and excitement for this amazing chapter. The world loves you, and the best is yet to come. This is just the beginning. Love you forever! I am here for you indefinitely!