Good morning mamas and friends,
Happy Aloha Friday!
Update: baby girl is the size of an avocado this week and there is now definitely a bump staring back at me in the mirror every morning. We went for a check up yesterday and her heart beat is strong. Yay! Such a relief. Now the countdown begins for our twenty weeks ultra sound where the doctors make sure she has all her fingers, toes, her heart, brain and all the organs are working and growing like they're supposed to.
Do any of you feel like or have felt like you're just always anxiously waiting for the next appointment? I am naturally a worrier and over-thinker so this whole journey has been testing my faith and trust. I guess I didn't realize there was going to be so much out of my control, so much wondering and moments in between that I have no idea what is going on. Is she still in there? Am I doing this right? Am I eating the wrong thing? Is this activity okay to do or will it hurt her? Especially the first time around, I don't know how it's supposed to feel at every stage or what I should be concerned about. It's also hard because I still can't really feel or see the baby move. It would be reassuring if I could. For now, doing my best to surrender to the universe, stay as present as possible and put good vibes and a lot of love towards her.
Officially four months and I have gained 10 pounds! Eek! For someone who has always struggled with the scale, the number and body image this has been challenging to wrap my head around. It's funny because I always preach to other women and girls to love yourself, celebrate all your imperfections, embrace every curve and fold because there is no specific mold we all fit into. Every size and number is beautiful and we need to focus on what amazing things our bodies allow us to do, not compare them. But man, I'll be honest, it's something I have to work at every damn day. If I stick to the 35 pound recommended weight gain by my doctor, I am going to be to reaching 200! Holy moly baby. I am not a small woman to begin with. I have muscular legs, a solid butt, big boobs that are even bigger now, HELP!
I am a true believer that comparison is the thief of joy but I still do it anyway. There has been so many pregnant women popping up on my instagram feed lately that look nothing like me. They are all teeny tiny with a belly. From the front view, it doesn't even look like they are pregnant and then three days after they pop their baby out they look like nothing happened! How? I mean good on them but I definitely don't look like that and know at this point, I won't. And that's okay. I feel like yet again the universe is sending me exactly what I need to unlearn and rewire the way I look at myself and talk to myself. To start loving and appreciating and celebrating this incredible body I'm in and what it's doing.
My goal for the next six months and beyond: be kind and patient with myself. I realize this is a special and beautiful time of my life that I will never get back, why waste it picking myself a part and being down? I have a little mini growing in me that needs a strong, healthy example of a woman in her life. One that shows her how to love and celebrate her body in every form and feel confident in her skin. For now I am going to focus on making healthy, conscious choices when it comes to food and staying active, listening to my body and doing what feels right for the both of us.
Hope this is helpful or relatable for anyone "growing" with me at the moment or has been through it or hopes to in the future. Sending love, light and a big hug for anyone who needs it. You are never alone and you got this!!
Aloha,
Carissa
I can totally relate. I started off my 2nd pregnancy at 130lbs and checked into labor and delivery at 193lbs! Almost 65lbs! It was such a difficult pregnancy emotionally, mentally and physically. I cried multiple times at how I “looked” bc I didn’t have the cute all belly look and stay somewhat thin. I had people commenting asking if I had gestational diabetes which I did not and that was really hard. But you know at the end of the day our bodies are so amazing and know what they’re doing. 6months postpartum over here and back to 133lbs and feel better than ever. Hang in there and know that we are meant for this whether we gain a little weight or more weight than we would like we are growing life! And that’s a beautiful thing 🤍