My baby girl,
You are the size of a squash this week and supposedly 2 whole pounds! Wow! You have been moving and grooving and kicking mom in the bladder a whole lot, haha. I don’t mind. I just love you and want you to be happy and healthy. I really am so grateful to have you growing inside me. I know I am in a position many women dream of but are maybe not so fortunate. In the moments of struggle I just remind myself how lucky we are that you chose us when you did. Some days have been hard on me lately. Challenging mentally and emotionally. I look myself in the mirror and don’t recognize who I am anymore, both physically and in my own head. My daily routine, pace, priorities and goals have changed so much in such a short amount of time. Surfing is a "maybe if I make it to the beach today" and "if I feel like it" now. It’s so uncomfortable to paddle, it's hard to get motivated to go. My butt is in the air, I’m putting lots of pressure on my chest and trying to curve and bend my back to see the horizon where it shouldn’t bend and curve, haha. I still managed to catch a few windy waves with you the other day at our local spot in town and it felt nice. I’ve been anxious a lot. I am conscious of the constant busying I do to try to keep my mind off of worrying. There is so much uncertainty and things out of my control… from you to my future as an athlete. It’s been a stressful time waiting on my contracts with sponsors. Will they see the value and potential in me in this next phase? I’ve always had a plan, clear steps to take and am in this weird limbo, not knowing what to expect. And that’s… scary. So I focus my energy on my “check list” to feel like I have a grasp on something, to keep my mind off of the fears and insecurities, to feel like I am moving forward, doing something, filling my days with purpose. I know that I need to slow down. I need to breathe and be. It all goes so fast. The last six and half months have! In just a few short months, you will be here, in my arms, and it will be a whole new sort of busy and overwhelming. I am trying my best. It’s a lot, all at once, but I’m focusing on gratitude for the simple things, the joy I get when I feel you move inside me, and being as present as possible every step of the way. To my sweet girl, I love you.
Love, Mom
:O
I feel like I learned to love. My mom wasn't able to love me & my bro when she had us in her belly. Reading ur letter at first, I felt resistant to appreciate the effort you put to express affection to your girl. I cannot believe this kind of parental love exists. .. thank you for sharing this letter with me. It came at a perfect timing in my life to read. I feel sorta strange saying this, and at the same time what the heck. I love you, & your connection with your child. I am so happy I am in this world with you both. I get what it's like trying to solve the mystery of our economical & career aspects of our lives....
I'm so glad you can relate to my personal worries of who I am during unwanted changes.
Jamie Rojas