Surfing Postpartum

I have been an athlete all my life, facing countless injuries and hitting exhaustion more times than I can count. My levels of discomfort have been endless. However, nothing prepared me for my comeback in surfing after giving birth twice. While I was pregnant, I searched the internet for guidance on returning to surfing postpartum. The response was eerily silent, even more so than the question of whether one can surf during pregnancy. This time, there was nothing but advice to contact a medical provider, with the earliest suggestion for a return coming at the one-year mark.

As I’ve mentioned countless times (especially in the latest episode of "Against All Odds"), a mother’s postpartum comeback to her sport is one of the best untold stories in the world. It’s often missing from the narratives we see today. Why is that? I genuinely want to know, as I’m unsure myself. The only explanations I can come up with are that this comeback is so challenging that not many women dare to confront it or want to remember it, or that the experience is so overwhelming and traumatic that they keep it to themselves.

I believe this journey deserves to be documented, so I'm making more notes for anyone who can benefit from them. Perhaps the lack of notes and storytelling is why there isn’t more support for moms in sports, particularly for women in surfing—there’s a lack of sponsorship opportunities for mothers who want to continue or pursue careers while raising their children.

OK. Straight to it.

1.) Leaving my child/children for the first time to surf struck Mom Guilt.

Getting back out there for the first time. I could not help but feel a blend of excitement and nervousness. My partner is taking care of our son and baby, and while I’m looking forward, I’m also confronting some deep-seated feelings from my childhood. The thought of leaving my child behind triggers memories of abandonment, and I remind myself that I’m not repeating my mother’s mistakes; I'm simply engaging in a healthy activity that brings me joy. This might not be relevant to most, I realize, as most have had mothers, OR NOT? I'm not sure, I just know this was the hardest part for me. All the physical parts were tough, but nothing is as hard as the mental and spiritual load this all had on me.

TO GET THROUGH IT:

It’s important for me to acknowledge these feelings without letting them hold me back. This is not just a chance to surf; it's an opportunity to reconnect with myself and model self-care for my children. Taking care of our mental health is so crucial, especially for mothers. When I prioritize my well-being, it allows me to be the happy and present parent my children need.

2.) I “Must Live” Anxiety

I used to just embrace whatever the ocean brought, never checking wave sizes unless it was a big Eddie swell. I would focus on the waves themselves and how to work with them. But now, it feels different; I feel the need to understand exactly what the ocean is doing and calculate everything about it. When I'm out there with significant waves, a prickly anxiety washes over me—an overwhelming instinct to survive kicks in.

The sight of looming sets shakes me to my core, and all I can think about is my children. I can't bear the thought of them growing up without their mother. It worries me deeply—how they'd feel, how my absence would hurt them the way I hurt without my mom, and then I find myself consumed with thoughts of ensuring I’ll be okay. I also remind myself that people don't die every day surfing, and sometimes I look around me and see a few people and question how they even got out there in the first place, yet they are still alive. lol!

This flood of "what ifs" overwhelms me, and I sometimes feel I have to come back to shore just to gather myself. It’s incredibly frustrating; I feel bummed out and lost. With Imua, I dealt with these feelings for about 6-8 months, and now, after about 5 months, I'm almost through it. I've always sought thrills in dangerous things, but I've never before felt this intense drive to preserve my life. It’s a profound realization of how precious life truly is, especially as a mother.

TO GET THROUGH IT: When I see sets coming, I take a deep breath, paddle through them, and think about my incredibly strong brother. Reflecting on how we survived together makes it all easier. I also remind myself of the strength I showed when giving birth and focus on moving through each contraction one at a time. I will sit out there watching and confronting my fears until they feel a little lighter. On one occasion, I was so frustrated with my feelings that I sat inside and made myself duck dive through countless waves until I felt okay. I don’t necessarily recommend that approach, but it did work for me. I also pray a lot!

4.) Raw Nipples

Have you ever skinned your knee and then felt that sting when water touches it? That burning sensation can be tough to deal with. Now imagine experiencing that discomfort on your nipples when they’re sore and tender from breastfeeding. It’s a uniquely painful feeling that can be really overwhelming. Just thinking about it makes you want to wince, right? Hang in there; you’re not alone in this struggle.

TO GET THROUGH IT: Nipple butter, but unfortunately, you just have to get through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, tho, you get used to it.

5.) YOU MUST PUMP OR FEED BEFORE SURFING- if your brestfeeding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I can help humanity overcome this challenge, it will be a remarkable achievement, as this is a true DO or DIE ordeal. Paddling back out after my first wave gave me the shock of my life. The waves were solid this day, I noticed the second reef filling with white water—an unmistakable sign that a HUGE set was coming.

Usually that means your paddel you ass off to get out there before that big boy comes in. As I was sprinting back out, my whole chest cavity was filling with milk, and the pain was soooooo intense I could barely put one hand in front of the other to paddle. I was literally in that “If the wave breaks here, don’t be there” spot and I got punished beyond belief.

I was getting worked wave after wave. I hit the reef, broke my leash, and had to swim in, out of breath, upset, and just defeated. As I got to shore and my chest and brests was rock hard, filled with milk, and raw and all I could do was cry, tuck my tail and get my ass home. I also had a nice parting gift, of my ass getting dragged across the reef and was bleeding alllll over the place.

TO GET THROUGH IT: PUMP< FEED< PUMP < FEED!

6.) RIB TORTURE

You know those ribs that serve as your center of gravity on a surfboard? Well, let me tell you—they’re going to hurt more than you can imagine. You’ve stretched outward for 9 monts while carrying a baby, and now you’re pushing them in the opposite direction while surfing. Trust me, those ribs are going to be extremely sore, making it nearly impossible to sleep on them comfortably.It can be a tough experience. Your skin might get rashed and bloody at some point, and I know how frustrating it can be with loose skin causing rashes. It’s kind of like what happens with your nipples—the body eventually adjusts, but that initial phase can be really challenging. Usually, it lasts about a month, depending on how much you’re surfing and for how long. I usually get about an hour and a half if I’m lucky! Just hang in there; it will get better!

TO GET THROUGH IT: You just have to go through it and experience it. Have patience!

7.) LOST BETWEEN BOARDS!!!!!!!!!!

Every time I surf, my weight and shape change as my body sheds its weight. One thing I’ve learned is the challenge of finding a board that accommodates both the ocean conditions and my body’s needs. I’m fortunate to have a professional surfing boyfriend who has helped me experiment with different board sizes. However, I’ve realized that true comfort on any board comes only when I’m in sync with my body again. I remember those moments when I would come in feeling overwhelmed and in tears, struggling to find that sweet spot on the waves. Catching them seemed almost impossible, and even when I finally did, my timing felt completely off. My body was adjusting in ways I had never experienced before, especially in my chest. I’ve always been able to manage having a bigger backside, but the changes with my breasts were really throwing me off. It might sound strange, but having two different sizes adds to the challenge for me, especially when I’m coming off the bottom into a turn. It feels like my weight is pulling and pushing instead of flowing gracefully with the waves. It’s tough, and I truly empathize with anyone else who has gone through similar struggles.

TO GET THROUGH IT: It is important to recognize that this phase is temporary and signifies a profound transformation into something remarkable. Consider the impact of your new role and embrace the associated changes with a sense of affection. I have found that such experiences contribute to personal growth. It is essential to understand that there is much to learn during this period, including insights about your own style and the necessity of self-advocacy. Improvement is attainable through the cultivation of grace and patience. If I can navigate this process, you are also capable of doing so. I have historically struggled with patience in these matters; my familiarity with previous methods makes the current situation particularly challenging. However, it is crucial to appreciate that this journey necessitates practice. The interplay between mental effort and physical execution can become harmonious if approached with dedication.

8.) The Bleeding/ Lunge Rule: ( I made this up for myself)

I am not a medical professional; however, I have established a personal guideline that has proven beneficial. Don’t attempt surfing while actively bleeding, due to the presence of a significant internal wound comparable to the size of a dinner plate in your womb. Not only will you be pressing on that wound, and possibly ripping it more when you lie on your stomach on a surfboard, but you may increase the risk of infection and complicate the healing process. Once I stopped bleeding and was able to perform ten lunges on each leg without experiencing pain, I felt prepared to resume surfing. This aspect is critical, as lunges exert pressure on the pelvic region, hips, and lower body—elements essential for surfing. If one is unable to achieve this level of mobility, it may result in difficulty standing up quickly, which could lead to injury when attempting to catch a wave. Again, I am not a medical professional and I am not giving medical advice; this is only what worked for me.

9.) The Broken Mother Treatment vs. The Hero Mother Treatment

This is a challenging experience. I've gone through both sides of this journey at different times. During my first birth, I often felt the impact of the Broken Mother treatment, where it seemed like others didn’t even consider me for waves. They assumed that I wouldn't go for it, couldn't go for it, or that somehow I was broken. It was tough because in the surfing community, especially at a place I know well, people have long memories. After my first birth, I hoped for the Hero Mother Treatment, where others would recognize my resilience and admire me for getting back on the board.

While some gave me grace during my first birth, the reality was that many people still left me out of the rotation, thinking I wasn’t up for the challenge. That meant having to rebuild my presence among the surfers again. During my pregnancy, when I was big and slow, I found myself missing waves, and sadly, it felt like people remembered those missed opportunities rather than when I was catching them consistently. Transitioning from the pregnant phase back to the surfing community can be tough.

However, my competitive spirit and passion for surfing keep me motivated. Yes, it can be disheartening at times, but overall, it fuels my drive. Living on the North Shore of Oahu means facing immense crowds of talented surfers and challenging waves, so it’s a constant effort.

On the other side, I've been fortunate to find a supportive community with the boys at Vland. This is where I feel the Hero Mother Treatment. They have been incredibly kind to me in my comeback and stand by each other like family. When they see someone facing challenges, especially the moms, they aren’t afraid to stand up for us. It’s heartwarming to witness this shift in attitude over the years, and it’s inspiring to see the badass mothers at Vland receiving the support they deserve from “The Boys.” It truly feels like a positive change in the narrative. Let’s face it, this is about mental health. We need this.

10.) Fun In The Water- Drama At Home:

SO today, this happened to me actually. You have such a good session, and things are clicking again. I ran home, only to hear a baby screaming, my 4 year old cryng and my boyfriend almost in tears, saying “this is the worst day of my life” and immediatly you feel like a failure for having so much fun and immediatly see your fun came at a cost of making your kids unhappy. I didin’t even get the sand off my feet or wetsuit off before I had the baby on my boob, my son stil crying, and my boyfriend recovering and getting ready for work. I questioned if I should even surf anymore. But then I look at all I came through to get back to myself and surfing well, and while I am not going to go as much, I will not give up. My baby is only a baby for a little while. My 4-year-old is now surfing and will be out there with me soon, and surfing is our lives. I just need to get through the hard times. Now she is sleeping, my son is eating happy, and I’m getting shit done. Fires are all out. Phewwww.

11.) Overlooked

I often find myself feeling overlooked and somewhat lost in the crowd. I genuinely celebrate all the opportunities available to everyone, but I can't shake the feeling that the world doesn’t see all that I have to offer. It’s as if I'm navigating through life like Jim Carrey in "The Truman Show," sensing that I have something valuable to contribute, yet it's just out of reach, often ignored.

Despite my efforts to prove myself time and again, I still feel somewhat left out. Perhaps it's a challenge that comes with motherhood—I really can’t be sure. I sometimes wonder if I’m just being too sensitive or if it’s disheartening to see others, sometimes less experienced, move ahead effortlessly. It’s a struggle I keep to myself, as I worry that sharing these feelings may come across as ungrateful or arrogant.

However, I know that self-advocacy is important. After everything I’ve experienced in motherhood, I feel deeply that I have a unique place in this world and a special purpose to fulfill. While motherhood means everything to me, I also recognize that I can have a positive impact on my children and the world around us beyond the confines of our home.

Ok, that’s enough for now. Maybe you experience one or all of these; either way, you’re a hero for even considering it.  While I may not have added everything just yet, I want to reassure you that it will all come together. I know how challenging it can be to navigate various issues, such as discomfort from nursing, rib pain, medical treatments, bleeding, and the stress of weight loss. These pressures can feel significant, especially when you are also balancing the demands of raising children. It may seem overwhelming at times, but I want to encourage you to acknowledge your strength. If I can overcome these hurdles, so can you. Even in moments when it feels tough, remember that you have the resilience to get through. I truly believe in your ability to persevere.

It would be wonderful to see more mothers sharing their stories. Their experiences are invaluable, and I believe they reflect the true spirit of extreme athletes. The surf industry, in particular, could greatly benefit from creating spaces where mothers are recognized and compensated for sharing their journeys. This initiative would not only highlight their narratives but also foster a deeper connection between mothers and their children. A single generation of empowered women has the potential to inspire an entirely new, healed human race.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. This post holds a special place in my heart, and I genuinely hope it reaches a mom out there who needs this support. I often think about how helpful it would have been to have something like this when I was making my return. Knowing that this resource is now available makes me feel truly valued in this community. Even if only a couple of people find it helpful, I’m thrilled!

Please share your stories…someone out there realllllllllly needs it. I know I did.

Love,

Danielle